aaron

Ah yes, Pluto. That red-headed stepchild of the outer solar system. This week one of the coldest balls of rock in space we call Pluto was officially downgraded from a planet to a dwarf planet by the all powerful PWDTKT (People Who Decide These Kinds of Things) conglomerate. In mourning, I have compiled a list of acheivements of that former glorious planet that has now been dwarfed. Join me in a brief retrospective, will you not?

Jan. 23 1930- discovered by Clyde Tombaugh

Feb. 13 1956- sued by Walt Disney Co. for copyright and name infringement. Lawsuit later dropped.

April 20 1961- President Kennedy makes his famous “We are all Plutonians” speech.

Mar. 22, 1975- Andy Warhol says “For 15 minutes, everyone will be as cold as Pluto.” People around him stare blankly. (By the way, the surface temperature is roughly -233 degrees C)

Sometime in 1978- Charon, Pluto’s moon, is discovered.

January 1979- Pluto abruptly switches orbits with Neptune. Neptune honks and gives Pluto the finger as Pluto becomes the eighth planet in the system.

In the 80’s it’s discovered that Pluto rotates in the opposite direction from the other planets. Pluto responds by saying that this is how they do it in the UK and everyone else rotates the wrong way.

February 11 1999- Neptune cuts Pluto off and becomes the eighth planet again. Pluto rights down the license plate of the planet and calls 911.

Late 2005- Pluto adopts two new moons. He can do this because Pluto is a celebrity and doesn’t have to go through the entire exhaustive adoption process. He names them Nix (because Apple and Suri were already taken) and Hydra, after his mother.

January 2006- New Horizons probe is launched. It will probably reach Pluto by 2015.

Aug. 24 2006- Pluto is officially down graded to dwarfplanet after much debate and controversey. Pluto angrily responds by saying “Well, I didn’t want to be a part of this stupid solar system ANYWAY!!” Pluto then goes on a drunken tirade and asks astronomers if they are Jewish.

Aug. 26 2006- Pluto apologizes for his behavior and asks for forgiveness. NASA officially cuts ties with former planet saying “Stupid drunken little dwarf.”

Aug. 30, 2006- Pluto reminded about upcoming New Horizons probe visit. Pluto responds with “Yeah, whatever.” Pluto then goes into a corner and cries. A lot.

Thanks for the good times. Pluto, we hardly knew you.

Recommendations

Books- Failure Is Not An Option by Gene Krantz. A great autobiography from the Senior Flight Controller of the Apollo missions. Very engrossing and informative.

Music- Mozart’s Requeim. Bob did an amazing worship service featuring this and it’s been on my mind ever since. A must have.

Movies- Little Miss Sunshine I love going to see a movie that I don’t know anything about, and it turns out to be great. This is one of the best movies I have seen this year, and one of the funniest.

Coffee-Still recommending Beach House Blend from Seattle’s Best. It’s that good.

Comics- 300 by Frank Miller. This is based on the true story of the Battle of Thermopalae, were 300 Greeks fought and won a battle against 10,000 invading Persians. Proves that comics don’t have to be about superheroes.

Trivia-

1. In Greek Mythology, Charon took souls across what?
1. The rainbow bridge to the gods
2. The River Styx
3. The Garden of the Hesperides
4. The Band Styx

2. Pluto the dog is owned by whom?
1. Mickey Mouse
2. Donald Duck
3. Minnie Mouse
4. Goofy

3. The Apollo 13 astronauts currently hold what record?
1. Amount of time in space.
2. Closest to the moon without landing on it.
3. Distance traveled in space.
4. Fastest travel in space.

4. Gene Krantz was played by what actor in the movie Apollo 13?
1. Gary Sinise
2. Clint Howard
3. Ed Harris
4. Kevin Bacon

5. Pluto is the Roman name for which Greek god?
1. Zeus
2. Hermes
3. Ares
4. Hades

That’s all for now. Answers to the trivia can be e-mailed at amslabrats1379(at)yahoo(dot)com. See you next blog…

(Aaron was recently downgraded to a dwarf planet, but after eating spicy mexican food, he was quickly upgraded to a gas giant.)

Last Blog Trivia answers:
Black
Doomsday
Spirit
4
Catwoman

Goodbye! The above title I think says it all. I think there has been enough discussion about this movie, and I won’t waste blogging space or time.

So, welcome to my first blog. It’s the first official BMMCCT which I will be sharing. I will be bringing you my taste and recommendations in books, music, movies, comics, coffee, and trivia. A random article that I write will also be included in each blog. So as Plato once said, let’s get this party started. (By the way, Plato did not say that.)

For those uninitiated in the world of comic book lore, I would like to start off by blogging about a particular supervillain known as Bizarros. Bizarros are not evil, just weird and different. They come from a cube shaped world, and speak with tons of grammatical errors. There was a Bizarro for Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman etc. A Seinfeld episode was dedicated to the conecpt of Bizarros, were Elaine started hanging out with a Bizarro Jerry, Kramer, and George. Their society (if you would call it that) places much emphasis on opposites. For example, bad is good, left is right, up is down, you get the picture. A typical Bizarro sentence can and does sound like this…

Normal: “Hello. I’m having a wonderful time.”

Bizarro: “Goodbye. Me am having a terrible time.”

Normal: “Great job. I am rewarding you by giving you a raise.”

Bizarro: “Bad Job. Me am rewarding you by lowering your salary.”

Keep in mind that double negatives, opposites, and pretty much any grammar errors you can think of are perfectly acceptable. The meaning of Bizarro sentences is always the opposite of what was intended. However, if one were to always speak in opposites with total consistency, you would be easier to understand-and that would be bad. That is the Bizarro language. Where, you ask, am I going with this?? Simple.

As I was reading about Bizzaro’s in the recently published book The Superman Handbook, I made a Shocking Discovery!! Stay with me here, let’s see, good is bad, bad is good, up is down, economy is good, war is profitable, mission accomplished!! It hit me.

GEORGE W. BUSH IS A BIZARRO!!!!!!

It all makes sense now. The grammatical errors, the doublespeak, the opposites. It’s all right there. Which means that somewhere, out there, is a good Bush. A Bush that is smart, capable, clear thinking, and understandable. A Bush that could be a genuine superhero for our world.

But probably not. After all, Bizarros are a fantasy, and Bush is a nightmare.

Recommendations in this blog:

Books
Star Wars on Trial- a cross examination of all six Star Wars films, that includes discussions on politics, ethics, religion, and even the female characters importance in the saga. A great read if you love Star Wars, hate it, or somewhere in between.

Music
Muse (Black Holes and Revelations) This British trio gets politcal on this album and manage to channel their inner Queen in the process. Driving rock sound backed up by amazing vocals and lyrics that beat around the Bush (and Blair).

Movies
Go see Pirates of the Carribean 2 and ignore the critics. This is my favorite summer movie. As for DVD rental, check out a Jimmy Stewart movie called Shenendaoh, about a family that tries it’s best to stay out of the Civil War, but can’t. Remember that movie The Patriot from a few years ago? This is the movie they ripped off. And there’s no Mel Gibson in it! Yay!!!

Cafe
For coffee, check out Seattle’s Best Beach House Blend. So good you won’t even know you’re drinking coffee.

Comics
The tenth anniversary edition of Kingdom Come has just been released in a beautiful slipcase. All of the artwork inside was hand painted by renowned artist Alex Ross. The story isn’t too shabby either. Written by Mark Waid, it’s a story of superheroes inadvertantly bringing about the end of the world. Biblical passages serve as a backdrop to the story, and a disillusioned human priest has to make a terrible choice, with the fate of the world at stake.

Trivia
In keeping with the superhero theme, these next five questions are about guess what, superheroes!!

1. Which is not a form of kryptonite?
1. jewel
2. green
3. red
4. black

2. Superman was killed by whom?
1. Doomsday
2. Lex Luther
3. Mongul.
4. Brainiac

3. Yes, their was a Legion of Super Pets in the 50’s and 60’s. No, I’m not making this up. God, I wish I was. Which of these animals was not in it?
1. Krypto, the Super Dog
2. Spirit, the Super Bird
3. Comet, the Super Horse
4. Beppo, the Super Monkey

4. How many Robins have there been in the current DC run of Batman comics?
1. 1
2. 2
3. 3
4. 4

5. Which Batman villain knows Batman’s secret identity?
1. Joker
2. Catwoman
3. Penguin.
4. Two-Face

There you have it. The answers will be revealed in the next blog. Go ahead and guess and have fun. You can e-mail the answers to me at amslabrats1379 (at) yahoo (dot) com. Hope you enjoyed. See you next blog. Hello!

(Aaron’s blog is currently being published in 500 newspapers around the globe. His column “No, this is not about Snakes On A Plane” will be featured in his upcoming book, “Still, Not Talking About Snakes On A Plane.” Despite rumours to the contrary, Aaron is not a Bizarro. Or is he?…)