thea

Matthew 2:1-12

Recently I’ve seen some PBS specials called Walking the Bible. This is a special travel log of a man who was looking for the physical locations of Biblical stories. This type of documentary always interests me because as a person who learned Bible stories far away from the Middle East, the stories sit in my mind in a kind of “fairytale” space. They are all strung out on a fuzzy blue flannel graph background with an occasional tree or camel in the midground. Anything that gives the stories back their placiness brings the stories another step out of story-land and into the real world.

Interestingly enough, Epiphany is a reminder that Jesus a faith in Yahweh where I, as a non-local, am possible. In a sense Epiphany freed the Biblical stories from their placiness. A meditation I read mentioned that Epiphany is a celebration for most Christians. It was a sign that gentiles are welcome to the party. It’s funny, but I never really thought about the fact that I have more in common with the magi who make a brief appearance in this story than I do with the characters I know well.

I think as readers we are conditioned to identify with the protagonists in the story, not the cameo characters. Certainly someone like me who grew up in a Christian home is prone to think of herself as an insider. To me the magi were the mysterious strangers the outsiders. But really they are my kin because I am the stranger and outsider in this story. I am the one who was let in when Jesus and his disciples broke down the walls of separation.

If I remember that I am an outsider included by grace, then perhaps I will be more understanding of the many other outsiders I meet each day.

We do not live in a country that celebrates modesty; rather a county that celebrates notoriety, success or dare I say excess.

I remember reading about an attempt to build an AI computer that learned about the world by asking questions. Programmers would feed statements and facts into the computer and then the computer would look for patterns in the data and ask questions.

One of the questions that the computer asked was, “are all humans famous?” Unconsciously, the programmers had been only giving the computer information about famous people. They hadn’t bothered to tell the computer about the man who swept out the lab or the people down the street who worked a 9 to 5 job. The computer of course looking at all the examples it had of humans, well known and celebrated people, concluded that all humans are famous.

I’m not sure that we are very different than that computer. We live in a media saturated existence and whom do we hear about: well known and celebrated people. It’s not surprising that so many of us feel a drive to be more successful and recognized for our efforts. We feel that all humans are famous, or at least the ones of any worth.

This need to excel has driven much of society into extreme and immodest behavior. When I use the words modest or immodest I’m not only referring to dress or public conduct (although that is included). I’m comparing a way of life that has modest goals and methods against one that uses excessive methods to achieve it’s goals.

There are many people out there who are willing to help us learn how to excel. It usually boils down to, try a little harder than the next guy. Promote yourself in a slightly more sophisticated way. If you step back and look at this you realize there is no ultimate winner in this game. If everyone is trying to outdo the next person, the extremes people will go to have no limits.

Parents encourage their kids to get that solid foundation or head start during their youth for a great career in: insert pet goal. Twenty something’s face crises that used to be reserved for “mid-life” about what great thing they could accomplish with their lives. People find quirky niches for their lives so that they can be famous for something (most body piercings, best body in the gym, biggest ball of string in your back yard). They are often willing to distort their lives in order to accomplish these goals.

Does it actually take some moral fiber these days to seek out a life of modesty? I know, taking on this type of critique you have to guard against creating a rant against a system you wanted to dominate but couldn’t hack. Perhaps there is some truth in this. But I’ve made some conscious choices toward a life of modesty. Such as, choosing to work close to home so I wouldn’t have a long commute; thus narrowing my choice of jobs. Deciding that loyalty to others to whom I have a relationship ranked higher than a chance to get ahead (or access to that thing I desired).

These types of choices are not likely to propel me into a life of Success with a capital “S.” I’ve chosen moderate steps in life, took moderate risk, and have gleaned a moderate life of near obscurity. I will not be celebrated by others for it. Maybe I should throw myself a party.

Hip hip hurray! I exist!
Please notice the abstinence from an all cap exclamation.

The way JK Rowling finishes Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, invites the reader to wonder what happens to the main characters during the remainder of their lives. I wrote down some ideas I had about what may follow. Since writing this, I’ve read some interviews with Rowling in which she lets us know her ideas of their futures. In some cases my ideas match in others they differ.

Here are my thoughts. If you are also a Harry Potter fan, I invite you to share your ideas as well.

Hermione Granger
Hermione and Ron dated for 5 years until Hermione confided in Ginny and Mrs. Weasly that she worried Ron would never propose. When Ginny and Molly tried to speak to Ron about this he got very huffy and told them to mind their own business. “Coincidentally” right at that time, Bill and Fleur decided to invite Victor Krum to stay with them at Shell Cottage for a summer while he participated in a Quiddich exchange program design to rebuild team depth and experience in several Quiddich teams which were struggling to rebuild their talent after the devastation of the war with Voldemort. After Krum showed up to several Weasley family events Ron was inspired to propose to Hermione.

Hermione pursued a career in the Ministry of Magic starting with Control of Magical Creatures office. Although she promoted her views of inter-species relations she didn’t make much headway in her early years at the office, especially with Amos Diggory as head of department. Hermione recruited Luna Lovegood to join the office to try and tip the odds more toward her point-of-view. Luna happily agreed with Hermione’s perspective but began trying Hermione’s patience when she kept adding magical creatures to the list under the Department’s responsibility which Hermione claim did not exist. Hagrid also continued to have his little run-ins with the office.

Hermione’s big breakthrough came in the area of elf relations after she convinced Rita Skitter to write an expose’ on elves who creatively interpreted commands by their wizard masters to reveal family secrets in revenge for cruel and bad behavior toward themselves. Suddenly her pamphlet entitled Be kind to your magical friends and enjoy harmony in your home became wildly popular.

After this success, Hermione was able to make some progress on reform ideas she had been promoting. She was able to get several languages included in the curriculum at Hogwarts including Mermish, Goobledegook, and Troll. She also got the ministry to include representatives of some magical creatures in a new body called the Senate of Magical Animals, Creatures and Kindred. The group is still struggling to agree on a regular meeting place.

Not every effort was successful; she didn’t make as much head way with centaur relations as the centaurs remembered coldly her awkward explanation of her plan to get rid of Umbridge. Goblins also continued to have very uneasy relations with wizards, and it was only with extreme efforts that wizards convinced goblins to keep Gringots open. The Goblins grudgingly agree but he rates at Gringots bordered on usury for a good number of years.

Ron Weasly
During the five years Ron was dating Hermione he lived with George above the Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes shop. Ron was unable to stay in his room at the Burrows because the ghoul had gotten so used to the comfort of Ron’s room he refused to move out. Ginny who had a little too much time on her hands while Hogwarts was being repaired took to teaching the ghoul to moan more-or-less to recognizable tunes (Celestina Warbeck tunes being the favorite in his repertoire) and dance in a shuffling sort of way. The ghoul became a big hit at family parties.
Ron and Hermione settled in a small village halfway between Hermione and Ron’s families. Ron followed his father and brother into a career in the Ministry of Magic. He joined the Aurors after a rather briefer than usual course of post-school study. Many in the ministry suspected that Kingsly Shackbolt may have had something to do with it. Ron proved himself up to the challenge however and any doubts were quickly forgotten.

Ron gained particular renown for his adept ability to find witches and wizards hiding and on the run. Perhaps it had something to do with his uncanny ability to know when someone was talking about him. As his reputation grew the more likely renegades were to speculate verbally if Ron Weazly was the auror who was on their trail.

Molly and Arthur Weasley,
Despite her families’ fears that Molly Weasly would have a hard time adjusting to her children being out of the house and become overly involved in their lives, Molly actually discovered a flair for advice and started a daily advice column in the Daily Prophet. The column was so popular she also started a weekly floo-in chat show on the Wizard Wireless which she co-hosts with Gildaroy Lockhart. He isn’t always coherent but a loyal audience of somewhat older witches find the show entertaining and are very forgiving of Lockhart’s aimless rambles.

Arthur Weasley’s reputation soared during the ministries reconstruction period, Because he was so consistent and courageous in his stand against the warped tactics and prejudices of the ministry both pre and post Death Eater takeover, people where confident in Arthur’s character and ability to set the ministry on the right path. There was some talk of promoting Arthur as a candidate for Minister of Magic, but Arthur demurred saying he preferred to leave that to his son Percy or daughter-in-law Hermione, whoever got there first. And it did look like they were pretty evenly matched in their assent through the ministry.

Deloris Umbridge
When Harry and Hermione left the courtroom with Deloris Umbridge stuptified, the dementors in the room became restless. Umbridge awoke to the sound of ministry officials breaking into the room and a view of a dementor leaning over her about to perform the kiss. While the ministry officials stopped things in time, this second close encounter with non-human creatures that did not respect her authority or person unhinged Umbridge. She began to believe she was a cat.

Umbridge lived in St. Mungo’s Hospital for about 6 months when Mrs. Figg, who had been coming to visit friends recovering from the battle with Voldemort came across Umbridge. Mrs. Figg, who had a fondness for cats, took Umbridge in to live with her. By in large everyone was happy together in Mrs. Fig’s house. Occasionally Umbridge would bully the other cats in the household and Mrs. Figg would roll up a newspaper and rap Umbridge sharply across the nose. This usually settled things down for a while.

Harry Potter
Despite Harry’s interest in becoming an Auror, he couldn’t put aside all that he had been through with the Ministry of Magic. Harry couldn’t bring himself to join the organization. And despite how angry it had made Harry when Severus Snape said Harry didn’t like to follow the rules, he had a point. Harry, with the encouragement of Ginny set up a private Auror service. Which often had him working around Ron, although usually in an unofficial capacity.

With all of the loss Harry suffered and his new perspective on life, Harry didn’t waste any time making Ginny Weasly his wife. As soon as Molly and Arthur Weasley gave their blessing, Harry and Ginny got married in a small but beautiful ceremony that took place outside Hogsmead, near the cave where Sirius and Hagrid had hidden. There was a wonderful sweeping view of Hogsmead, Hogwarts, the lake and Dumbledore’s grave. Those who were invited managed to keep it quiet enough that Ginny and Harry were nearly back from their Honeymoon before the Daily Prophet found out.

Harry and Ginny decided to live in Godrick’s Hallow, and slowly over the years many happy family memories came alongside the sad memories of Harry’s youth.

Soon after Neville Longbottom was appointed as Herbology professor at Hogwarts, he began pressuring Harry to come be the Defense against the Dark Arts professor. While the turn-over in this position slowed down a little, it still was rare that the Dark Arts professor lasted longer the 3 to 5 years. Harry was intrigued at what it would take to finally finish off the curse on that position and was inclined to think he would eventually take the position, but he decided to wait until his own children had completed their studies at Hogwarts before considering the offer more seriously. After all, children needed the chance to become their own people, and Hogwarts was just the place for that.

Harry remained famous and an item of curiosity, but he became better at putting the intrusive nature of that notoriety behind him and finding ways to live his life in the present moment. However, his children learned that if members of the old DA and Phoenix were together for a relaxed evening, they could hear some pretty amazing reminiscences from Harry and his friends.

“I’m just glad to have a seat.”
Comment made by Thea to person sitting in her seat (rather than his own) after making her flight with 1 or 2 seconds to spare (not an exaggeration).

“Is this the last hill?”
Question posed by out-of-shape Thea to Karen during a pleasant afternoon hike.

“You might be a redneck if you throw yourself down and miss”
Bryce “Foxworthy” DeGroot

Nolan “Ebert” DeGroot: “Eeeeeew”
Merrill: “Are they kissing?” (Referring to video Nolan was watching)
Nolan: “Yeah”

“Aunt Thea wears Hanes Her Way.”
Observant comment by Kimberlee DeGroot while working unloading hay bales.

Mom: “It’s a long-standing joke.”
Tom: “I’m standing but it’s not getting any clearer.”

“I’m not sorry I tried skiing, but after a few more days, I might be!”
Kimberly Medendorp after a day spent on the lake.

1. Yogurt
2. Aspirin
3. Milk
4. Cucumbers
5. Vinegar
6. Aloe
Some of the 30 suggested ways to treat a sunburn consulted by Kimberlee DeGroot after spending a day on the lake.

“Oooh Ahhh”
Sounds heard on 4th of July by group watching cumulative neighborhood fireworks display.

“You can’t itch your eye with your sunglasses on.”
Brilliant statement from Thea on the road from Montana to California

“Watch your lane, you don’t have to look at me to talk to me.”
Nervous statement made by Kimberly to Thea on the road from Montana to California.

“Wow”
Comment heard at Bryce National Park

“Bark”
Comment by Xiao Nu heard a little too often in the opinion of her sleepy roommates.

“I don’t know if I liked it or not, I couldn’t stay awake.”
Assessment of Ratatouille made by a very sleepy Katie

“We’re home!”
Happy remark heard at the end of a couple days of 90~120 degree travel

The strong need for us to belong is striking me lately. I’ve been reading Harry Potter and a big part of its appeal is that an unwanted orphan boy suddenly finds he belongs to a fantastic magical world where he is at the center of an important struggle between good and evil. The desire to belong in this world where he is continually fighting for his life is stronger than the safety of a life where he does not belong. We intuitively empathize and agree with Harry’s feelings.

I listened to a story on summer camps for kids. While there are many fun activities it is really the sense of belonging that brings kids back year after year. This sense of belonging is built through the creation of a shared culture of inside knowledge, rituals and evolving privileges for returning campers.

Our relational nature is also illustrated in the Story of Elijah fleeing to Mt Horeb. Elijah has just had his dramatic showdown with prophets of Baal on Mt. Carmel. God’s supremacy is shown without question, and yet the result is a death threat by the king. A fearful and disillusioned Elijah runs into the dessert shedding everything of his former life. Elijah gives up his work as a prophet, civilization, shelter, even food and asks God for death. What is left in that place of emptiness is relationship. Elijah is still a relational being who interacts with God. At our most core we need each other, we need to belong.

Father Gregory Boyle, known for his work with East LA youth many of whom are gang members and rough characters, is fond of saying about these social outcasts: “we can’t forget they belong to us.”

Urban Village is involved with the new Sanctuary Movement, which is looking at the fairness of a global system that both pushes and pulls people out of their impoverished lives in other countries and brings them to the US where resources are pooled and their labor is welcome but we want to tell them they do not belong.

When dealing with issues of immigration things get very complicated. Included in the mix you have legal considerations, choices people have made along their path to the US, political realities in many countries, US involvements in far flung and back yard issues, global economic systems, etc. All of these issues bring out strong feelings, and varying interpretations of fairness and responsibilities.

I would like to start the discussion with the assertion that we belong to each other: the US citizens, undocumented immigrants, wealthy, poor, advantaged and disadvantaged. We cannot divorce ourselves from each other. If God said anything strongly and clearly, God said: “You belong to me and you belong to each other.”

I think I may be hitting my midlife crises. First of all it is rather shocking to admit that I have actually hit the mid-point of my life. Being a single person it is pretty easy to think of myself in a kind-of extended adolescence. It is a little strange for me to think that if I had started a family in my twenties I could have children who are not much younger than the age I sometimes feel I am.

Oh if I only had the resources to have a classic mid-life crises. I don’t think a new lifestyle or expensive car is in my future. But maybe I’ll get a little more serious about saving for retirement.

For the first time I’m really noticing that my career hasn’t rocketed me into advanced positions. People with comparable job levels are now 10 to 15 years younger than me. And many of my supervisors are around my age.

In some ways I don’t mind my job descriptions, but it does bother me that other things get tangled into this, such as an appraisal of my capacity for responsibility or to give valuable input into decision making. I, in a completely unbiased way of course, think I have a lot to offer that is not being utilized.

It was not in my upbringing to think that success is to found in obtaining riches, prestige and power. If you asked me if those are my goals in life I would say definitely not. But the draw is insidious. It comes in moments when you see younger people getting interesting and well paying jobs; realizing you don’t have the salary you need to buy a house; having other people’s opinions being more sought after than yours, and on and on.

I need a lot of input from my community to help me counteract those voices that say the measure of your success is to be found in career success and being publicly admired. So what is it that I consider important in life? I would have to say the top of the list is leading a life of faithfulness, following the example of Christ. So let me think about Jesus’ life:

1. He was homeless, sleeping on friends’ couches.
2. He quit his job somewhere around 30, and didn’t have a retirement plan.
3. He said it is more important to be a good neighbor than an important person whom other people admired.
4. The only vehicles we know he used were his feet and a donkey.
5. His opinions constantly got him in trouble with authority figures.

On that scale I’m not doing so badly, but . . .

6. He had scholars hanging on his words by the age of 12.
7. He had so many people interested in what he had to say and in his informal health clinics that he couldn’t get away from the crowds.
8. He operated without a safety net, putting his own life on the line.
9. He started a movement that is changing the world.

Okay, I’m not doing as well on this front. I’m going to keep on working on this. Fortunately I still have half my life to get it right (God willing).

This week I went to a comedy club to support a fellow church member who performs family friendly humor. However he does this in the context of all the regular comedians who I would not call family friendly.

Of course the art of comedy is about exaggeration, however the prevalence of jokes told about spouses and messed up families reminds me how precious loving and supportive people around you really is.

I have been blessed with a sometimes quirky, sometimes challenging, but always well-meaning and loving group of friends and family. I never doubt that they are on my side and wishing me well.

Thank you to all who are reading this and know that I am talking about you. I have developed a simple taste for joy and I think much of this is because I’ve had such good relationships around me that show me happiness is not complicated. Enjoyment can be found all around.

10 joyful moments from recent life:

1. a batch of fresh green beans straight from the garden
2. a dog and cat vying for my attention (dog borrowed of course)
3. cool nights that made me put my down comforter on the bed (ooh so cozy)
4. sitting around a fire pit with good friends laughing and talking nonsense
5. getting home from work before 7:00 (still hit and miss but happening more with my new job).
6. getting a letter from home (email really)
7. sitting in a park watching a kid’s soccer game
8. watching leaves change color (I know it’s rare in So. Cal but does happen)
9. participating in a silly contest at work (office pool on how long our audit was going to last started after we were told it was done but were still getting requests from the auditors)
10. lazing around Sunday morning and writing a blog (I love our 11:00 church service)

One week of the new job down.

The first three days of the job were taken with a staff planning retreat so it was not the typical office environment. Maybe that contributed to my feelings of unreality. I found myself feeling several times during the week that I was playing at work and that my real work situation would return soon. I had to remind myself in those moments that I was at my real job and I wasn’t returning anywhere else. Toward the end of the week those feelings had subsided somewhat.

It is always “fun” learning a new office culture and trying to fit in. You don’t know the in-jokes yet. You’re not sure what arriving and leaving for the day behavior is accepted. Do people bring in their lunches or do they go out to eat? How much socializing happens during the day and how much are people focused in on their work etc. etc.

What type of socializing and the amount of overtime people put in at work has varied a lot in the places I’ve worked. My first few jobs, for various reasons, did not serve as a social outlet for me. I built my social network from church and friends of friends. In my last few jobs it has struck me how much work becomes people’s social hub. I think this contributes greatly to the amount of time people are putting into their jobs. Why leave if all your friends are at work?

So I wonder, if the culture at your office is to work long hours and socialize together, is it possible to take a different path and fit in? If I choose to set my own standard on what is enough rather than follow the office standard, how do I decide where the line is?

There is an episode from Seinfeld where George Castanza’s (a notorious underachiever) car breaks down at work and is left in the work parking lot for several days. Because George’s car is always there when his boss comes and goes, the boss develops the impression that George is working hard and is a valuable employee. In reality George isn’t doing anything. I think this cynical take on the situation isn’t far from reality. So much about what makes someone a “valuable employee” is about people’s perception. Perception isn’t always based on the bare facts of people’s competence and productivity. It is also based on how well people get along, fit in, how hard they look like they’re working. If their conversation makes them look competent.

This is my challenge over the next month: fitting in, making myself valuable, managing/creating my image at the new job.

Well I’ve battled my way to the end of my old job. I had to do a job search on top of a current position that was never under 50 hours a week sometimes more. I had to convince my old boss that I really was leaving; and then convince her that she really needed to work on finding a replacement if I was going to have any training time with the new person. I had to reassure my old, old boss that I was doing my best to hand over my position in a manner that would ensure its survival. I gave up a week of vacation (I hadn’t had an opportunity to use any vacation time during my year of employment at my last job) in order to train my replacement. I worked late on my very last day of work. But I am now here: gainfully unemployed for one weekend.

There are so many things I want to change now that I have a fresh start. In my last job, I went in thinking, “I want to be impressive and demonstrate that I am promote-able.” This time I’m thinking, “I want to work smarter and healthier.” In the last job I liked working with a larger staff and having the community of co-workers (coming off a couple of jobs with very small staff and not much interaction). Then I saw everyone I worked with quit or get laid off. I’m ready for a new team of co-workers who are building something new and strong together. I’m ready for a better balance of my personal time and work time. I don’t want to continue to use unhealthy coping mechanisms for stress build-up. I’m just really ready for change.

So before I tip over the edge of this weekend into a new job. I want to remember who I am, what my own goals are in life, what the fresh-eyed enthusiastic version of me gets excited about. I want my soul to feel a fresh breeze.

I know this is not an unheard of situation, but I found myself the position of having to interview and hire my own replacement at work. I found this experience brought up a variety of odd sensations.

• I found it hard to balance my experience verses a more objective and positive take on the situation, given much of the reason I was leaving is because I don’t enjoy some aspects of my job anymore. I wanted to be fair to the organization. Just because I found it no longer the right environment for me, doesn’t mean it will be wrong for someone else. However, since I did find the environment problematic I want to be as truthful as possible about the challenges particular to this position. Fortunately the people applying didn’t really test my ability to be positive about the job and be truthful. And the person I eventually offered the position to seems mature enough to know what she wants/needs with the capacity to look after herself. This did reassure me.
• I noticed was that I was tempted to evaluate people against my own set of job skills. It was difficult to allow someone to have a different set of strengths and weaknesses I also had to remind myself to compare them against the place I started rather than where I am now. I like to think I am conscientious about the work I do, so it is hard to admit that someone who approaches the work differently with a different set of strengths and weaknesses is also a great fit for the job.
• It felt odd to be the one pushing people at work to replace me and to do a good job of it. I’m not sure I need to expound on this comment. You can probably understand how strange and devaluing it would feel to tell your boss that you are leaving and that it is time to look for a replacement, and then to be the one to push her to take real action.

This week will be the last at my old job. It will be my mission to give as much training as possible to the new person, so they will be ready to go. Oh to be really so replaceable that I could just walk away. Is it really so great to be a gown-up? What would be the repercussions of being a little more flighty? Oh well, I do remain too earnest for my own good.